CeleBRITAIN!

The DLR has been so excited by all the celebrities suddenly showing up at cultural events that they have gone ahead and made a Microsoft Office bar graph.

The score is Glastonbury plus Wireless – 8; Tate plus Serpentine – 4. The music world wins! Take that, art world, with all your cash and your NetJets and your free champagne… ah, we love you really.

*Note: these are celebrities spotted and, more importantly, recognised by the DLR’s cadres. We are completely ignoring the slew of celebrities on Vogue.com whom we have never heard of and only hope to meet in situations involving free champagne.

The tallies, for the record, are:

Glastonbury: Coleen Rooney, Wayne Rooney (yes, we are counting them as two, since she has her own career as, um, er, ah, anyway), Jade Jagger (whom we hear was also at the Serpentine, but since we did not see this ourselves, cannot count), Alexa Chung.

Tate summer party: Grayson Perry (ditto for Perry, apparently (aperryently!) also at the Serpentine; sorry old chum), Darian Leader (only spotted because everyone thought he was Alain de Botton; we say that was a close call but we have a thing against de Botton).

Serpentine summer party: Ewan McGregor (woo! a real celebrity!), Alexa Chung again (way to bifurcate, Alexa!).

Here she is, DJing, at an art party. She is the future.

Wireless Festival/Pulp aftershow party: Pixie Geldof, Jeremy Deller, Carl Barat, one of the teachers from Teachers (all right, so this is a stretch. But his name is Navin Chowdry, say our backstage sources/Google, and we did recognise him). Obviously, we’re not including the members of Pulp in the Pulp gig, as that feels like cheating.

If you think we have missed anyone please do email us at dalstonliteraryreview@gmail.com. It is entirely possible that more than 11 celebrities attended summer events in Britain in the past month. If you go so far as to send us a photo of said celebrity, we will reward you, Heat-style, with an anonymously donated drink down the Pembury. Come on, spot for Britain! It could be Dalston’s only viable Olympic sport.

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