Zac attack

The DLR’s Fantasy Cabinet is a multinational beast, but we thought we should at least try to include a British politician in the increasingly serried ranks.

Being indecisive, we thought perhaps the public could decide for us on which to include. Hence, we consulted this terrible vision of British politics. Now, we’re a fan of wild-haired Ed Vaizey, not because he’s devastatingly attractive (he is, after all, a man whose features are too big for his face), but because he defended the arts in the recent cuts (not altogether successfully) and was seen by our very own eyes pottering around the Venice Biennale.

But this is a democracy, not a cheerocracy. And it’s clear from that website that the MP with whom the public would most like to bump uglies is none other than eco-politico Zac Goldsmith.

Look at that smoulder. Oooh, I bet he's filthy.

Strictly speaking, Zac shouldn’t be included because he’s not yet a minister. But cabinet reshuffles happen all the time, and given his dreamy eyes we reckon Zac is definitely moving up the ministerial list.

Ignore for the moment his political affiliation and stinking richness and admire instead the man’s youthful vigour, playfully dirty smile and recycled Savile Row suits. And he likes the environment.

Why, Zac, with all this global warming it's getting quite hot in here. Perhaps you should take off all your clothes?

A friend of the DLR claimed that Zac is so hot he turned her Tory. It would take a lot more than that to turn the DLR Tory (like a threeway with Aaron Schock, that other right-wing hottie from the US House of Representatives; it feels so wrong when they’re right). Nonetheless, we recognise that in our non-partisan, cross-floor Fantasy Cabinet, affiliation doesn’t matter. Whether you’ve got it going on does.

Welcome then, our newly promoted Minister for the Environment Zac Goldsmith.

Goldsmith, much like Zoolander, only has one camera face. Ol' pucker lips Goldsmith, you've got it going on.

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